First off I have to say, I don’t have full blown panic attacks. I have a blogging friend who told me about her experience and you would be amazed at her perseverance and be surprised if I told you who she was, but that’s her story not mine. I don’t throw up, or take full time medication but sometimes I wonder if maybe I should. I suffer from anxiety and seasonal depression and guess what, the weather in Washington has changed! The rain and cloudy gloominess of winter has sprung.
I also have to consider the fact that I had a hysterectomy 9 months ago and everyone that has had one told me that it takes at least a year for my hormones to level out. Well, in all honesty I feel like they are getting worse instead of getting better. Perhaps, it’s just a combination of no sunshine, hormones, and a two year old with full on terrible twos. I find myself between tears and my own temper tantrums directed at the kids.
Yesterday, my anxiety was so bad that I called my husband after dropping my daughter off and just felt like crying. I told him I was having a terrible day and he could hear in my voice that I was holding back the tears. He told me to pick him up early from work, but he had to stay at least a half day. My son is at a point in his life where he’s learning boundaries and pushing them all to the very max. He doesn’t listen to a word I say and when I get louder, he just gets louder. My daughter seems to just feed off of my moods and yesterday that wasn’t a good thing.
I find anxiety to be almost debilitating and I know that it is mild compared to what some people have. I’m not doubled over in pain, sometimes I get stress headaches but nothing too serious. I stress over all kinds of things. The blog, the kids, friends new and old, everything crosses my mind and when it’s one of those days, everything hits me all at once. All I can do is worry! Lately, I haven’t been in the mood to write up my reviews, and getting further and further behind has been causing me lots of anxiety.
Anxiety causes me to worry, then get angry, then cry, then shut down. Then I don’t want to do anything. Then that turns into depression. Luckily, yesterday, my husband was able to come home from work so I could have some time to myself and de-stress for a while. Sometimes, if I have a drink of something then it helps me to calm down and yesterday I did that. I also have a prescription for Xanax that I use as needed. These are two methods that I use to help myself calm down and keep from freaking out too badly. Does that make me weak?
I’m sharing my experience, not only to help myself by putting it all out there, but also to share with others so you all know that it’s ok if you have anxiety or depression. From time to time, an event will happen in my life that is so big I have to actually go beyond just taking Xanax to taking an anti-depression medication. Taking medicine is something that I struggle with. My father hates taking medicine and never pushed it on me, and I just feel like I can do without it. I hear that’s quite common for people that struggle with depression and anxiety to try to go without taking anything.
I know there are other things to try like having some mommy time to myself, or getting a sitter and spending time alone with my husband. What are your ideas on dealing with anxiety? Do you have anxiety?