Should You Feel a Bond? 17 Weeks Pregnant

By: Ashley

Originally I had planned to write all about my pregnancy on my own blog (Momicles), and here for my MomStart family. So much life has just been getting in the way though! I’m so happy and excited to be able to bring something to MomStart though that really has been on my mind lately.

I spend a little time in online forums and on message boards for pregnancy. I feel like that’s kind of the norm for pregnant women these days. I do have to say, how I did that with my first versus how I’m doing that with the second is much different. The first time around, I was desperate for information. I read everything I could: be it books, magazines, online articles, discussions groups… whew. This time? I’m kind of there just perusing the topics, refreshing my memory, and just checking in. As I’ve been checking in lately, I’ve noticed there are a lot of expecting moms feeling bad. Not morning sickness bad, not achy ligaments bad, not waking up through the night bad, but emotionally bad. Feeling bad because they haven’t bonded yet with their babies.

I am not an expert. I am not a doctor. I am not a counselor. I am a woman though, and I am a mom. What do I think about this question? Should you feel bonded and connected with your baby when you are 17 weeks pregnant? My answer? If you do, then great. If you don’t, then great. If you’re worried about whether or not you’re bonding, it shows how much you care. I don’t think feeling some personal relationship and connection to the little nugget growing inside you is necessary for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

Do I feel really connected and bonded? This is really hard to say… but no, not really. I feel happy. I feel content. I feel scared. I feel anxious. I feel more than relieved when I hear those 3 magic words from my doctor at checkups: “Things look great.” Bonded though? No, not really. And… I didn’t feel that way with my first either… and everything has turned out okay. I love him more than anything and can’t even fathom life without him.

Every woman, every body, every baby is different. Some women are connected and bonded from the get go. Others, need to feel those big movements and see those weird lumps sticking out of their stomach at about 34 weeks or so (that’s was me last time). Some moms, need to see their baby in their arms and smell that baby smell. Some moms, need to actually have their baby home. Some moms say if you know the gender, it will change it all (I’ve had it both ways, and I don’t think that’s true…). I don’t think any of those moms are better or worse than the others. (Man… I think I might be reminding myself of these things just as much as I’m sending the message out!)

What’s more important than feeling bonded? Feel happy and content. Take care of yourself, get sleep when you can, eat foods that are good for you… and that you love. 😉 (They don’t ALWAYS have to be the same thing…) Take care of yourself, let yourself be content, and you’ll be taking great care of your little baby. That’s what this non-expert has to say anyway. J

About Ashley – Ashley is a mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and former teacher working to navigate through the mysterious world of Mommyia. Read more about her adventures at Momicles and follow her@Momicles2010