You know, Lately I feel like everything I say is the wrong thing to say. When I answer people’s questions or don’t answer and they look at me. I think, Oh no, what did I say wrong now. I was at a garage sale this weekend and I was trying to sell my TV to some guy. We weren’t using it anymore and I said the only reason we are selling it is because we got a flat screen. And then he said “oh, rich people”. And I thought. Oh man, I sound like a snob. I mean first I was offended because I was just called rich and by no means is that true. But, I spent way to much time worrying about this. My family is very fortunate and I thank God every day that we can pay our bills, we can provide for our kids. I’m thankful we have a house and his job is steady. I’m thankful that I don’t have to work. We do have debt, like most people do, we do choose poorly sometimes when it comes to “things” we buy. That’s what I’m working on right now and that is what my blog is for. Ways to save. Ways to cut back. I decided to cut back, sell everything that is just taking up space. We turned off our cable. That is what I should have said to the guy. We turned off our cable, but instead I sounded like a snob. At least I kept my mouth shut and didn’t argue with the guy.
Other times, I think it’s my silence that makes communicating with people really difficult. I was with some friends and we were all eating. The food just came out of the microwave and it was really hot. I took one and ate it and they asked me if it was hot. i don’t know why but for some reason I didn’t say anything. I should have said, I’ve burnt my tongue so many times I can’t feel anything. But instead, silence. So they said, yours must not have been hot. I just smiled. Good Grief. I also like to give too much information. Not dirty stuff, or anything that makes people uncomfortable, just stuff. Information people do not NEED. I hope that one of these days I figure out how to communicate. Even my own family doesn’t know how to talk to me. My parents have actually complained about it. I guess that’s why they don’t call or visit. I don’t know.
i so know the feeling louise. and then you relive the situation for days (or longer) thinking about what you should have said but didn’t, and wonder if the person you were talking to thinks you’re as big of an idiot as you figured you sounded like. honestly, i think it’s mostly in our heads and people really don’t remember this stuff. i know the over-share thing too. sometimes i’ll be talking and in my head i can hear that censor going ‘shut up rachel! just shut up!’ but i seldom listen. i just keep talking. what is that about? i think that’s what my blog is about… an opportunity to ramble on incessantly and i don’t have to worry about saying to much because it’s my blog and i can do whatever i want to… see? there i go saying too much again. (‘shut up rachel!’)
I’m so awkward talking to other people. I either say the wrong thing, or not say anything at all. I think that’s why I like chatting online so much, because it gives me the chance to think of what I want to say before saying it. Rather than stammering out something incoherent, then doing the “reliving the situation in my head over and over” for the next few days.
BTW, Abbie and Isaiah are 14.5 months apart, so I definitely can relate!
We all says things we wish we had never said. I speak an then uh oh!
thats not what I meant to say. And then it takes forever to get off reliving it. I am sure you parents will get over it. After all how long can they go without seeing your beautiful children. what about you husbands family are they better at trying to understand you?
Don’t worry so much about others. you have enough to take care of with your kids.