I’ve been having a very very hard time writing about this. I keep thinking, I want to share with my friends, family, and readers that weren’t there with me how hard it was and how wonderful it was at the same time. I lost my grandmother very early on Saturday July 6th.
It was about three weeks before that, that I found out my grandmother was in the hospital. Before that she was having migraines and she wasn’t complaining about them. Not very many people knew that she wasn’t feeling well. She went to see her doctor, a PA, and he gave her some meds for the pain and on her way home she passed out at the wheel and was in a car accident. Refusing to go back to the doctor, at home she later starting showing signs that she had a stroke. They rushed her to the doctor again and she was moved to a better hospital with a neurologist where she was monitored night and day. At first she was looking like she was going to be fine and then she took a turn. That’s when I was talking to my aunt who was only leaving my grandmother’s side to go to work, but after my grandmother took a turn she refused to leave her side and she told me she needed a hug. My husband, wonderful as he is, booked me on the next flight out to Texas to be with my family. Then I stayed with my grandmother as all her kids traveled from different locations in the US to be with her.
I feel, if I was honest with myself, I knew how it was going to end I just didn’t want to admit it. My grandmother was my home base. She was the place I went whenever I had trouble. She was full of advice, even advice you never wanted to hear. She gave it out bluntly but with love she always had my best interest at heart. She loved without judgment. She cared for everyone she met, unless they one of her children or grandchildren then it was war. I love her so much and I miss her dearly. I’m not sure who I will call now when I need advice like that.
My aunt found some papers in my grandmother’s house that stated she didn’t want a feeding tube or any type of breathing device and we felt we needed to honor that decisions, however, God took the decision away from us because we came to a cross roads. She developed a very serious infection and we were going to have to put her on the feeding tube and probably intubate her which were against her wishes so we told the doctors no and to go ahead and take the vent off of her. Then we all stood in the room with her and told her our good byes. I cried so hard saying good bye. I told her I loved her and thank you for everything she ever did for me. She smiled at me and said “I love you”. It’s the best memory I could have. Then she had some medicine to make her comfortable and She passed in her sleep. Watching someone go through pain and die is one of the hardest things I have ever done. There is a small whole in my heart, I know she went to heaven, I know that without a doubt in my mind and that’s my peace of mind in all this. I know she’s in a better place and one day I will see her again.