Last week I had an epic interview with the most evil frog in the world who swears he only speaks the truth. Constantine plays the evil villain in the new movie Muppets Most Wanted, “It’s Not Easy Being Mean” says the green super villain. He cracked me up with his honesty. But be careful if you ever see him, he’s always planning his next heist.
Miss Piggy, who’s more romantic: Kermit or Constantine?
MISS PIGGY: Well that’s easy it’s, Kermie. He’s so much more handsome than this.. [POINTING AT CONSTANTINE] this uh– toad.
CONSTANTINE: You know what? She does not know difference. Watch. Close your eyes, Pig.
MISS PIGGY: [STARING AT HIM] I can’t.
CONSTANTINE: Close your eyes. Look other way. Do something, come on. Okay watch this. Miss Pig, can you hear me?
MISS PIGGY: You’re not fooling me, Kermit.
CONSTANTINE: HAHAHAHA I fool you, Pig.
MISS PIGGY: Oh come on, Constantine. You sound nothing like Kermit.
KERMIT: See, she has no idea.
I thought he was so rude because he just calls her PIG but then I remember that she likes to call Walter The Coffee Boy!
I have a question for Miss Piggy. You look fantastic, Miss Piggy.
MISS PIGGY: That’s a wonderful question. Thank you so much.
Question continued: What’s your secret?
MISS PIGGY: My secret?
Question continued: For looking so great?
MISS PIGGY: I just woke up one morning and decided I’m not gonna eat. It’s not for me. I’m gonna do something else with my life. I’m not gonna waste my time aging. I’m gonna drink some coffee. That’s what I’m gonna do. I’m not gonna age. I’m gonna go get my nails done. I’m not gonna age.
KERMIT: And it worked?
MISS PIGGY: You had to ask?
KERMIT: Okay I guess it worked.
CONSTANTINE: She also has good plastic surgeon. [LAUGHS] It is true. I only speak truth.
MISS PIGGY: You are speaking more truth than this one over here. [POINTING AT KERMIT]
CONSTANTINE: Yes, this right. This is nothing to be ashamed of.
MISS PIGGY: No I’m not ashamed.
KERMIT: No I just learned not to speak the whole truth. That’s all.
CONSTANTINE: That’s because it gets you punched.
KERMIT: That’s because I, I don’t want to exterminate myself.
See that’s where he swore he only speaks the truth. I mean, there is a kindness in not saying the whole truth so I’m on Kermit’s side here.
Miss Piggy Do you have a favorite designer and how was it working with Vivienne Westwood?
MISS PIGGY: Yes. Um right now Vivienne Westwood is my favorite. She made me some exquisite dresses, including a certain white gown.
KERMIT: I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it.
MISS PIGGY: That I wear down a certain aisle in the movie.
KERMIT: Which you uh — you– fortunately didn’t get to keep your wardrobe.
MISS PIGGY: Well I, I can call her. I can call Vivian. I’m sure she’d let me borrow it again you know.
KERMIT: No, no, no. I — [CLEARS THROAT] That’s okay.
MISS PIGGY: Just once. That’s all it takes.
KERMIT: That’s okay. Okay.
MISS PIGGY: Anyways, I love her fashions. And the dress that she made is really quite something. It’s actually made out of recycled plastic.
KERMIT: Yeah it smells like sour milk. [LAUGHS] But it looks great, it looks great.
Kermit is never going to be ready to marry Miss Piggy I think!
So how did you feel about doing the villain role and blowing stuff up?
CONSTANTINE: Oh it was the greatest pleasure of my life. I enjoy to blow the things up. I enjoy stealing things. I enjoy stealing the movie from a pig and other frog. I think I will now go steal other things from other shows.
MISS PIGGY: Well I think you should go do that.
CONSTANTINE: I will go do the Modern Families. I will steal that show.
CONSTANTINE: I think I would be great on 60 Minutes. The in depth report.
MISS PIGGY: Why don’t you go now?
CONSTANTINE: I will. Right now I’m going to be here to mess with you pig.
KERMIT: Yeah hold onto your wallets.
See he’s always planning his next heist.
I wonder if you had to work out a lot for your fight scene?
CONSTANTINE: No, actually. A lot of my skills are natural. And then we also had Stunt Coordinator who was very helpful to me.
KERMIT: Yup, yup, yup, yup.
MISS PIGGY: Yeah that was me.
CONSTANTINE: Yes, you were very good. Teaching me how to hit, and punch, and kick.
KERMIT: Yup, yup.
What makes the Muppets so timeless?
KERMIT: None of us have watches. We really don’t keep up with it you know. Except Walter. Yeah well he will not be timeless. He’s going to age. Believe me, he ages on you. [LAUGHS] I think we, we try to stay current. We live in the real world you know. We’re out there just like all of you.
CONSTANTINE: Right now we’re here.
KERMIT: We are sitting in this room.
MISS PIGGY: We are here right now.
KERMIT: But hopefully everybody watching sees an aspect of somebody they know, or maybe themselves, or maybe their friends. I think that’s part of it.
Constantine Are you still a bad guy?
CONSTANTINE: No, you’ll be judge. What do you think? The only problem is that uh now with film, my face is everywhere. So it be would be very difficult to pull off big caper, with having my face out there. Authorities will always be after me.
KERMIT: Yeah, yeah.
CONSTANTINE: So I may have to try to do other things.
KERMIT: We have to find something else for you to do.
KERMIT: You know I think, I think with your skills as kind of an extortionist and a robber and someone who just is devious, I think you could be a Hollywood agent.
KERMIT: I think that’d work pretty well, yeah. You’re in the right town.
CONSTANTINE: That is good. Hollywood does make me feel at home.
KERMIT: Yes, yes, yes. There’s some slime goin’ on.
Miss Piggy, what is your favorite song to sing?
MISS PIGGY: My favorite song? Well any song, any song that was written for moi of course. You know wrecking ball was actually written for me.
KERMIT: Is that right?
MISS PIGGY: Yes, yes.
MISS PIGGY: As was Celine Dion’s big hit My Heart Will Go On.
KERMIT: That was written for you?
MISS PIGGY: Me. Uup, yup. I gave it to her.
KERMIT: Wow, wow.
MISS PIGGY: Yeah I gave her a big break.
KERMIT: Talk about a sinking ship.
MISS PIGGY: Which is what I did in this movie too. I gave her another big break you know. She will sing alongside moi for a couple of verses.
KERMIT: And nobody breaks like Piggy.
MISS PIGGY: No.
KERMIT: Nobody breaks like Piggy.
I just was wondering what Miss Piggy’s favorite food is and could it be frog legs?
MISS PIGGY: I would say that, you know… um, I do like to nibble on Kermit’s toes. [LAUGHS]
KERMIT: I knew you were gonna’ say that, I knew you were gonna’ say that.
CONSTANTINE: Let’s face it. What is not her favorite food?
CONSTANTINE: You love food. It is okay.
MISS PIGGY: Yeah.
CONSTANTINE: Embrace it.
MISS PIGGY: It’s true, I do.
MISS PIGGY: That’s is true. You, you, you have been speaking so much truth today.
CONSTANTINE: That is what I do, I tell you. I speak truth. It may be hard to hear sometime.
MISS PIGGY: Yes.
CONSTANTINE: You are pig.
MISS PIGGY: I — but, but I’m a…
CONSTANTINE: It is true!
MISS PIGGY: …woman. I’m — it’s true, it’s true.
CONSTANTINE: You have wig.
CONSTANTINE: It is true! Right.
MISS PIGGY: It’s true. It’s true. I mean come on let’s face it. How many pigs do you see with long hair like this?
CONSTANTINE: Lovely hair.
MISS PIGGY: Uh-hum.
CONSTANTINE: It is good wig.
MISS PIGGY: Thank you.
CONSTANTINE: You’re welcome.
MISS PIGGY: [LOOKING AT KERMIT] Why can’t you compliment me like that huh?
CONSTANTINE: You just be honest Kermit.
KERMIT: What qualifies as a compliment changes by the moment. It’s very strange.
See, he’s so rude with his honest
Can I ask you about your feud with Joan Rivers?
MISS PIGGY: Yeah, what about it?
Question continued: How’s it going?
MISS PIGGY: I won.. Did you see the pictures? With the cake all over her face?
CONSTANTINE: This was an evil thing you did, Pig.
MISS PIGGY: No it wasn’t evil.
CONSTANTINE: What was it?
MISS PIGGY: I, I was being very nice. She wanted some cake so I gave it to her.
CONSTANTINE: Yes you did.
KERMIT: Okay, okay.
Well what started the feud?
MISS PIGGY: She started it. A long, long, long, long time ago. Yeah she actually auditioned for my role in the Muppet Show.
KERMIT: Yeah, yup.
MISS PIGGY: Behind my back, she did this to me.
KERMIT: Yup. She, she would have gotten it too. It was very close.
MISS PIGGY: She would’ve gotten it?
KERMIT: Well you came in.
MISS PIGGY: Well instead I came in and I drove her out. There’s a lot of history between the two of us and uh — well a lot of ancient history if you just look at Joan.
CONSTANTINE: Ohhhh yes.
Speaking of history is there any truth to the love story between the three of you?
KERMIT: That sounds very kinky. I don’t think mommy bloggers should be writing about things like that. Wow.
CONSTANTINE: I was doing best acting of my career. Pretending that I like the pig.
MISS PIGGY: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
CONSTANTINE: It is true.
MISS PIGGY: Well I, I was acting too.
***The following 2 questions aren’t big spoilers but they do refer to scenes in the movie
We saw Miss Piggy’s dream sequence. In your future together, you guys get married and have a cute like pink frog. Any plans to make that come true?
KERMIT: Well, to the extent –
MISS PIGGY: Yes.
KERMIT: that Miss Piggy –
MISS PIGGY: Oh, I’m sorry that, that was for him.
KERMIT: Oh I was gonna’ say then you can be a mommy blogger.
MISS PIGGY: [TO US] You are the future me.
My question is about Miss Piggy.
KERMIT: Oh, oh.
MISS PIGGY: Yes.
Apparently it’s in the cards that you’re going to get married at some point. So who’s going to be your best man?
KERMIT: Well uh I’ve been considering a number of people. Uh if, if I were to ever uh tie the proverbial knot, uh strap on the ‘ol ball and chain uh –
MISS PIGGY: UH-HUMMM.
KERMIT: Uh I, I felt Fozzie and Gonzo because they’re friends.
KERMIT: Um but I, I will tell you that, that I’m going to invite Constantine to the wedding. Uh –
MISS PIGGY: Constantine.
CONSTANTINE: Well you — really?
MISS PIGGY: Yeah.
CONSTANTINE: I will get invite.
KERMIT: You got invite, yeah.
MISS PIGGY: But he’s not coming. He’s not going to be able to accept.
CONSTANTINE: I will be there. I will be there.
KERMIT: We have to invite Constantine to the wedding.
CONSTANTINE: I will be there.
MISS PIGGY: Why?
KERMIT: Well he’s a frog, he’s a co-star.
CONSTANTINE: And in case frog gets cold flipper I can take your place.
KERMIT: That’s what I’m thinking. Yeah, yeah. Are you saying that if Constantine comes it’s a problem?
MISS PIGGY: Yeah.
KERMIT: Uh, uh my best man would be Constantine. [LAUGHS] Great.
MISS PIGGY: That is, that is devious, frog.
KERMIT: I know, I know.
CONSTANTINE: Yes, he is taking lesson from me.