First off I have to say, I don’t have full blown panic attacks. I have a blogging friend who told me about her experience and you would be amazed at her perseverance and be surprised if I told you who she was, but that’s her story not mine. I don’t throw up, or take full time medication but sometimes I wonder if maybe I should. I suffer from anxiety and seasonal depression and guess what, the weather in Washington has changed! The rain and cloudy gloominess of winter has sprung.
I also have to consider the fact that I had a hysterectomy 9 months ago and everyone that has had one told me that it takes at least a year for my hormones to level out. Well, in all honesty I feel like they are getting worse instead of getting better. Perhaps, it’s just a combination of no sunshine, hormones, and a two year old with full on terrible twos. I find myself between tears and my own temper tantrums directed at the kids.
Yesterday, my anxiety was so bad that I called my husband after dropping my daughter off and just felt like crying. I told him I was having a terrible day and he could hear in my voice that I was holding back the tears. He told me to pick him up early from work, but he had to stay at least a half day. My son is at a point in his life where he’s learning boundaries and pushing them all to the very max. He doesn’t listen to a word I say and when I get louder, he just gets louder. My daughter seems to just feed off of my moods and yesterday that wasn’t a good thing.
I find anxiety to be almost debilitating and I know that it is mild compared to what some people have. I’m not doubled over in pain, sometimes I get stress headaches but nothing too serious. I stress over all kinds of things. The blog, the kids, friends new and old, everything crosses my mind and when it’s one of those days, everything hits me all at once. All I can do is worry! Lately, I haven’t been in the mood to write up my reviews, and getting further and further behind has been causing me lots of anxiety.
Anxiety causes me to worry, then get angry, then cry, then shut down. Then I don’t want to do anything. Then that turns into depression. Luckily, yesterday, my husband was able to come home from work so I could have some time to myself and de-stress for a while. Sometimes, if I have a drink of something then it helps me to calm down and yesterday I did that. I also have a prescription for Xanax that I use as needed. These are two methods that I use to help myself calm down and keep from freaking out too badly. Does that make me weak?
I’m sharing my experience, not only to help myself by putting it all out there, but also to share with others so you all know that it’s ok if you have anxiety or depression. From time to time, an event will happen in my life that is so big I have to actually go beyond just taking Xanax to taking an anti-depression medication. Taking medicine is something that I struggle with. My father hates taking medicine and never pushed it on me, and I just feel like I can do without it. I hear that’s quite common for people that struggle with depression and anxiety to try to go without taking anything.
I know there are other things to try like having some mommy time to myself, or getting a sitter and spending time alone with my husband. What are your ideas on dealing with anxiety? Do you have anxiety?
I used to have anxiety attacks fairly often and each was equally nightmarish as the last. Anxiety is … for lack of a better term; crippling. I hated how it controlled me, but I hated the idea of being prescribed a medication even worse – somehow that sounded like “it” was defeating me. In my family, there’s a long line of addictive tendencies as well, so I chose to deal with it on my own. Mat has really been the only one able to calm me down and bring me back to an even ground when I was mid-panic. Another reason I am grateful to him.
Thankfully, soon after I got pregnant with Charlie, the anxiety simmered. My biggest fear was allowing the anxiety to get the best of me when I was pregnant. The pregnancy was already high-risk, I didn’t need added complications. Somehow, on my own, {and I think a lot of help through daily prayer} was able to stifle every last bit. Since having Charlie, I do feel it start to come back, in waves, but I am able to keep it at bay.
I hope that you find a way to overcome it, whatever that means for you. I’m glad your husband is there for you as well. Anxiety is nothing to take lightly. *hugs*
I am so sorry that you are going through this! I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at around 13 and thankfully, the worst of it was in my teens. I can’t imagine having to deal with anxiety and kids, especially a toddler at the same time. It is wonderful that your husband is there for you. I know you said you take Xanax as needed, but have you thought about getting an every day medication to help level it out? I think you could benefit from taking a medication every day instead of just when you feel it coming on. With my anxiety diagnoses also came a diagnoses of severe clinical depression and after finding the right medication, my life improved dramatically. I don’t care what anyone says about being against medication, that is what it is for and you have to do what it best for you. Good luck & please thinking about trying out a daily anti-depressant!
I’m so sorry.
I’ve heard that anxiety can be extremely debilitating – I’m always surprised at how many bloggers suffer from it. I think I may have a mild case of it myself but so far, I’ve managed to keep it under control.
I hope you can get everything evened out soon. Hugs!
I don’t suffer from anxiety, but I HAVE suffered from depression. And when I’m depressed? I feel terrible. I am a great actress though, and most times I won’t let anyone know what’s going on until I realize I need help to get happy again. I really hope everything eases out for you soon. Lots of love.
I have almost crippling anxiety when it comes to thunderstorms. I have meds but for 2 years I refused to take them. I believe that I am stronger than meds and taking them means I am weak. However this year when I ended our family vacation because of a thunderstorm my mom and fiance made me take my meds when we got home at 11pm that night. A few weeks later when there was a storm and I was hiding in a closer again I was made to take my meds. You know what I learned? I learned that sometimes it is ok to admit you need help to function and get through something. If that means taking medication prescribed by your doctor for that very reason then you need to do it.
i now take mine when I need to as long as I am not alone with Little Man. The meds make me very drowsy. The first time I took them when Tobei was at work a friend of mine chatted with me all afternoon until he got home. I will now not take them if he is not home. Though if it got bad enough I am sure I would be fine taking only 1/2. The bottle does say 1/2 to 1 pill a day as needed.
I went to see a counselor, and just talking to someone who doesn’t know a thing about you is so helpful. My husband suffers from anxiety when he is over stressed and it is not fun. The other night he was doubled over in pain. I feel for you and applaud you talking so openly about this. More people should seek help!
I’m sure your experience is more common than you know. I think we as moms hide a lot of emotions and feelings like this, because we need to be strong.
As for the gloomy weather and depression symptoms, have you looked into getting a sunlight lamp? I heard they can do wonders for ones mood when going outside to get sunlight is not an option.
Oh, honey.
I wish I had advice or commiserations, but I haven’t dealt with anxiety (yet).
{{hugs}}
WTF you have gorgeous healthy kids, a great husband, with a good job, a nice house etc. there are people who have real problems, people who are sick, or their children are sick and other real problems. some wives have husbands who can’t come home early. take a big girl pill.
you don’t like what i said? well you did put youself out there.
What a typically ignorant comment. I”m truly disgusted in your comment….stop reading blogs if you’re going to be negative! You obviously have a very small view of the world. Grow up.
bandb
Your comment isn’t helping anyone. If you knew anything about anxiety/depression you would know that it’s not a choice. It’s something that just comes over you. You can try to fight it, but it is really difficult. When you are feeling like that, you feel guilty for feeling that way, and it makes it even worse. Don’t be so quick to judge.
One day at a time. I hope your anxiety gets better. It sucks…but you are not alone.
Honey, talk to your doctor about getting on something like Lexapro – it is a very mild medication to just take the “edge” off. I took it when my daughter was a baby because of the exact same feelings you had – it wasnt really post partum, I was just really really overwhelmed and unhappy. I got help, and honestly I think it saved my entire being.
Be easy with yourself, but ask for help when you need it. There is no shame in that. The shame comes from trying to do it all – and failing.
Many many hugs.
It sounds like you have a lot going on. I feel for you as I have dealt with this a lot off and on and I’m dealing with postpartum right now even after 18 months. I found that I was having anxiety attacks on one set of meds, was getting on another. Now I’m trying to get used to taking them all over again. Anger is part of depression too, and that’s one thing that makes me realize I need something more. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about your meds. You shouldn’t be crying that much and you have so much going on. Two little ones, your hysterectomy, and the gloomy weather.
Aww, Sweetie, I feel so bad for you.I can relate to you so much. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been dealing with it for years and this year has been the worst. I have had all out panic attacks where I almost passed out. I take medicine for my anxiety, depression and I have some for my panic attacks. And there is nothing wrong with that. Anxiety is a medical condition that is serious. I have come across people who do not understand it, but I have come across a lot more who do understand. What works for me is being as honest as I can with my doctor and paying attention to things that stress me out. Time to myself is always good. Doing things I enjoy also helps. I am also trying to put myself first. My husband and children are very aware of all of this and it does make things easier. I still have days where I feel overwhelmed and a just have to take a break. From everything. And that is ok. It is a very good thing that your husband was able to come home
It is very important to do what you can to get some adult time and give yourself a break. It is definitely worth it. If you ever need to rant or blow off some steam let me know. I am a pretty good listener.
Hope things get easier for u u cetainly have your hands full and its so easy to feel overwelmed I too have been there
first off, commenter #10 needs to take a be nice pill. if you’re lucky enough to NOT understand what it’s like when your own mind is closing in on you and you feel suffocated by everything, then i hope you appreciate it. i think a good share of depression/anxiety sufferers also feel a good deal of guilt over the fact that they technically DON’T have anything to feel depressed or anxious about… and yet they do. and much as you might try to just GET OVER IT, that’s not always possible. if you think that putting people down for that is going to help, or serve some purpose other than making them feel worse, you are sadly mistaken. and if your goal is just to make them feel worse, then you’ve got worse problems then the rest of us.
second, i am starting to come to the conclusion that i do have some anxiety issues myself, i’ve tried to deny it for years because it’s SOOOO stupid. i hate to even admit it, but i freak out over stomach flu. not ACTUAL stomach flu. the IDEA of stomach flu. it’s like a crazy phobia or something, but i’m starting to realize that it’s affecting my life and my family in a very negative way. i won’t go into details of how this has affected us because, really, it’s embarrassing to admit, but i will say that the second the idea that one of my kids has been around someone w/ the stomach flu, says their tummy hurts, isn’t hungry, acts unusually cranky, etc… i immediately get nauseous and my heart starts beating like crazy. if i get really paranoid, i can start to hyperventilate, i can’t sleep… and i’ve tried so many times to rationalize to myself that there’s nothing i can do by worrying about it. that if it happens, it happens and i’ll deal with it, just like i have before. even if every person in the house, myself included, gets it, it’s not the end of the world. etc. etc. etc. but it doesnt’ improve. i’ve been dealing with it for 4 years now, with no sign of improvement…. i had no idea you could get meds to just take ‘when you need it’… i’m kind of in the camp of not liking the idea of taking something that messes w/ your head… but clearly, i’m starting to think my head needs to be messed with because as it is, it’s a mess!
sorry, long comment. i hope you find something that works. depression sucks.
I think we share some of the same similarities. And yesterday, was a bad day for me. I have a son who is 2 who does everything he isn’t supposed to. I am having to watch him every minute and its hard to get anything done. I do get anxiety (like yesterday) and wish I could have had some mommy time to help me feel better. I was hoping it was just PMS coming on or something.
Hope you are having a better day ….. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow… Crossing fingers…X
I feel for you! I was diagnosed years ago with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it used to be so bad I couldn’t even go into any social gatherings because I would have a panic attack and tears would flow without any control. I have been able to curb that part of it, but I still get anxiety to a point where my heart races and my arm feels tingly and tears come. I used to be prescribed 10mg’s Lexapro for it and that did help a lot. I am not one for meds so I weaned off it when I lost health insurance and decided to deal with it on my own. I do try to take St Johns Wort but stopped as I don’t think that’s for anxiety per say, more so moods, but it may help you. It helps keep a level mood and is natural, I took it regularly when I was younger and it helped. It may help with the fact that you had a hysterectomy too because I believe that makes hormones all wacked since you have to take pills, right? Sorry clueless with that part of this post.
I do know anxiety can be intense! I get it crossing bridges that are over water, I get it in new situations, I get it often but I have controlled it enough so I don’t break down in tears, not sure how I did that … I just did about 3-5 years ago or so … Good luck girl!
Louise,
I don’t suffer from anxiety so I can’t even pretend to know what it’s like.
I do know about stress and the funny effects it can have no a person.
If you ever need to talk feel free to give me a call.
Val
I have anxiety problems and have had them as long as I can remember. I have tried different medications but they don’t work well with my body for some reason. My anxiety usually is brought about by being around large groups of people (especially people I don’t know) and by driving. I hate to drive because of the anxiety it causes me. Sometimes I can’t leave the house because I am afraid to drive. It is no fun!
I know that having two toddlers is difficult and kids do tend to feed off of your moods. I hope that things start getting better for you. Maybe you should take a short break from blogging, if you think that the blog is a big part of your anxiety. Your health and your family are far more important than this blog! I know that your readers would understand and support you if that is what you choose to do. Feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to talk to. ((hugs))
Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so willing to be honest with your readers. We greatly appreciate it and I’m sure it will help others.
Anxiety attacks make you feel like you might die, my very first one I thought I was dying. I really did. I almost jumped out of the car. So, so scary. I really hope you have a better week, HUGS Louise!!
Please do talk to your doctor. I had horrible anxiety issues and panic attacks for years. Anything “out of the ordinary” – even going on vacations or weddings or even out for a fun night with a friend would turn into my being sick to my stomach, in the bathroom all night and difficulty breathing. A guest coming to the house would mean I would be up ill the whole night before. I’m also not a “medicine taker” But I finally broke down & went to my doctor & cried up a storm in her office feeling like a complete failure & why couldn’t I control this? And she very patiently & very wonderfully explained to me that there is nothing wrong with taking a medicine to get your body & mind back in control. That anxiety/panic is simply a chemical imbalance in your body, with your body not being able to control the level of seratonin(?) in your body – the same way you’d react if a tiger walked into your house! I have taken medicine now for a couple of years and have not had a single panic attack since!